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Musings on turning 40

September 24, 2018

 

 

 

 

Today's the day. My 40th revolution around the sun. 14,600 days Earth side. Not old, but not young either. I've decided I'm not one for the fan fare of these things, but forty feels like it needs to be acknowledged and reflected on all the same.

 Ask anyone close to me how old I am, and they are bound to say eternally 25  because I joke that's when I stopped having birthdays that matter and every year beyond, I have turned 25 since.
(My only glass shattering moments are when I actually meet or hangout with 25 year olds and realized that a decade and a half is a huge difference both in my ability to hustle and party hard. What? Go out on a Friday night and stay out till 3am, nope. Feeling forty. This girl is lucky to make it through a movie on a couch before falling asleep somewhere just after midnight.)

When I turned thirty; that other milestone that makes you assess adulthood,  I was met with an alarming sense of holy crap! What the hell am I doing with my life? I had finished school, had a steady, reliable job (not related to school or aligned with purpose), I was 8 years into a relationship with my high school sweet heart who had yet to put a ring on it and the most pressing questions that popped into my little life was whether we were gathering at a friend's place to drink beers and play guitar hero, or heading  down to 10¢ wing  Wednesdays at the local pub which was a very serious tradition in our friend group. But as I approached 30, that sense of WTF and anxiety swallowed me. They are certain life goals that one dreams about and for me, being married with 2 kids by the time I was 30 was it.  My mom had 3 kids by then and I was her oldest at nine.  And here I was, spending my late twenties, adulting only when necessary and not feeling like I had achieved very much.  My heart was nostalgic for the relationship I had with my younger mom, and I wanted that for my kids too, but that's not the way my story was written. It was the first lesson of many from this decade: learning to let it go.  That feeling of unease was the spark of fire and the decade that was my 30's saw my engagement, marriage, the start of my home business and the birth of my 2 beautiful children. Life shifted to looking inwards and I was okay with that.   

 It's been a busy 10 years, with the last 6 (since becoming a parent) defining my character and showing me what is and what isn't important to chase in this life.  I've learned a lot of life lessons and can reflect with dignity at what my thirties have taught me

 

This brings me to today, rolling over to this next decade feels nothing like the last. And though I still want little fan fare about it, I feel confident, and secure. More loved and more experienced. More thankful and aware.  More ready to face what this next decade may hold for me, and for my family. It's exciting! Forty feels fabulous and I don't really care that I've hit middle age, I'd like to think of myself as a bottle of wine that gets better with time; More sophisticated, and layered, with lots of body, a smooth finish (and long legs).  It's a description that feels true. This next decade will be a wondrous adventure!

 Thanks to my lovely little shutter bug Sophia, for pressing the button to capture me as I am at this age. I purposefully only did a basic edit for these photos because I want to remain as true to self as possible.  This. Is. Me.  Thanks for stopping by! 

 

 

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